Tag: emotional abuse recovery (Page 4 of 4)

Know When To Unplug

Knowing when it’s time to unplug is more important now than ever. Most of us are spending more time on screens and phones, and while that will keep us connected, overdoing it can make us feel more anxious, especially if all we’re focusing on is stressful topics.

When we can catch fear, overwhelm and other unpleasant emotions in their earliest stages, we can make a choice to stop what we’re doing, thinking or talking about before they pick up power. 

I have been experiencing some tech issues with my site, which has slowed the process of serving people in the ways I’ve been inspired to. Had I caught my frustration when it first began to call for my attention, I would have stopped what I was doing and regrouped in one of the gazillion ways I teach other people.

But since I know how many are struggling and want to help them as soon as possible, I tried to push through.

Hours later and no closer to the answers, my frustration had expanded into a host of other undesirable emotions, and some judgement toward myself, since I know so much better. I learned to stop beating myself up a long time ago so fortunately, when I heard the critical voice, it got my attention. I unplugged immediately and went to the beach to watch the sun set.

When we can catch ourselves going down rabbit holes of negative feelings, conversations or experiences, we get to choose again. When we don’t notice, the feelings get more powerful. One great way to become aware of how you’re feeling is to check in with yourself on a regular basis.You might ask other people how they’re feeling or doing. Do you think to ask yourself?

A few deep breaths of salt air later, I found myself laughing. Of course, I wasn’t meant to solve those tech challenges today. I had to have that experience, in order to think to share it to those who will read this now, before I connect with my tech answers. Surely, someone who already reads my blog will be glad I did.

When we’re in touch with our emotions, they tell us it’s time to take a break from what we are doing or thinking.

We also need to unplug when we are engaging in conversations that are bringing us down and are unnecessary, surfing our newsfeeds or doing anything else that is optional but draining.

I spoke with a cherished family member about that tonight. Just because someone sends you information or tries to engage in a fear and negativity-based discussion doesn’t mean you have to participate. It’s okay to unplug when you need to. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or apology for that.

You just owe yourself the opportunity to feel as good as possible right now. One, because you deserve to. And two, because you can’t be there for someone else in any sort of authentic way anyway if you are coming from depletion.

So, how are you feeling right now? Do you need to unplug? If so, start by getting off your phone or computer. That’s what I’m going to do right now. Goodnight.

 

 

From Pain To Purpose

The challenges faced in narcissistic and otherwise abusive relationships can serve as doorways to transformation. Before we can step through them, we have to stop choosing to participate in victim roles, and then be willing to see beyond the very convincing veil of victim consciousness altogether. 

On September 5th, I will be featured as an expert speaker on the Emotional Abuse Recovery & Resilience Summit, something I couldn’t even have imagined while giving all my power to my victim roles and stories. But even while I was in the most painful phases of my personal hell, part of me knew I’d help others through someday.

My talk will be about reclaiming personal power from codependency, the magnet that attracts and the glue that perpetuates abusive relationships. It will teach how to:

~stop people-pleasing

~feel your emotions instead of attempting to avoid them and self-medicating

~quiet your critical voice and turn the volume up on your inner advocate

~stop blaming others for your unhappiness and learn how to command it without needing anyone else to change

~stop wasting your energy trying to make others behave the way you want them to (and stop behaving the ways you can’t handle)

~stop enabling others and take responsibility for yourself

~set and enforce healthy boundaries

~say no so you can say yes to what you want

~assertively express yourself instead of expecting others to read your mind or holding in your feelings until you explode

~let go of guilt

~honor your own needs, feelings and opinions instead of making everyone else’s more important and resenting them for it

~stop overextending and depleting yourself and learn how to give from heart

~learn why you don’t actually help someone else when giving is coming from a place of depletion or obligation

~release people, situations and environments that feel unhealthy, in a way that doesn’t attract the same issues in different forms

I’m excited to share how to do this with those who check out this life-changing summit. It will be filled with great speakers and information!

BLOG UPDATE

Thank you to all who have been inquiring about the blog. I have removed my previous posts because I’ve needed to take this next phase of my healing journey without an audience. Thank you to all who were here with me for that journey. I never would have made it through that if I hadn’t been healing out loud with all of you. Thank you SO much for all your love and support.

When the time is right, I’ll resume writing on the site to educate readers about narcissism, narcissistic abuse and recovery.

NOVEL UPDATE

Thank you to everyone who helped me name the novel and have been waiting patiently for me to publish it. I will, but not until I’m ready. This next phase of my journey is going to be out of the public eye, as it is a personal season for introspection and healing. I couldn’t love the title Love Without Traffic more and I know that book will change lives someday. In the meantime…join me for the summit!!

SUMMIT LINK

https://tinyurl.com/coachnancysummit

See you soon!

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