Tag: personal development

Mind Games

The day Dr. Sue Morter’s retreat was set to begin in Nosara, I still hadn’t established how I was going to get there. The mind was playing games; life was responding. 

My heart wanted to take the long shuttle ride to The Bodhi Tree with friends, but the injured knee was rightfully calling the shots.

It laughed at my original plan, which involved going back to the airport for the shuttle. But when the solo ride the retreat center allegedly booked for me straight from Playas del Coco didn’t show, there didn’t seem to be a choice. Could I even make it to the airport in time, at that point? To make matters even more interesting, the power was out.

Four days of relaxation yielded quickly to stress. Moments earlier, my mind was resisting the idea of leaving the comfort zone of my current haven for a retreat it insisted I wasn’t even going to be able to participate with. Now suddenly, it was all bent out of shape about not getting to the retreat center by check-in, several hours before the welcome dinner.

My driver showed up just as I was about to give up on him, and within minutes, I was sorry he had. He texted while driving and passed every single car ahead on the two-lane road, sometimes with very little time before oncoming traffic. When we stopped for a restroom, I returned to an unlocked running car – with all my stuff in it.

“This is the best driver a five-star retreat center could come up with?” my mind scoffed with judgment. “Assuming this guy doesn’t get us killed, I’m telling the center about this horrific ride and requesting a refund!”

The retreat began right there, in between deep breaths and mind ramblings. I realized that just like the injury, this ride was the experience I was meant to have. The higher version of myself that I was getting in closer touch with had orchestrated it – not to scare me, but to show me how often I still allowed my mind to govern my life.  

Luis returned to the car with a smile that exuded pure joy. Where was mine?

Since Luis and I did not speak or understand enough of one another’s language to hold conversations, I was free to be entirely present with every moment of the magical ride through Costa Rica. Instead, I was allowing my fear-based mind to hijack my sense of wonder and delight.

The mind encouraged me to demand Lois stop driving like a maniac and lock the car if we stopped again. Instead of listening to the mind, or trying to silence it, I lovingly validated its feelings and gave it a project, to redirect its focus. 

“Let’s play a game, mind!” What if you absolutely had to write a positive review of Luis and this ride? What would you put in that?”

“Nada!” 

“C’mon, mind! You love games! And you’re so good at them. I’ll help you get started. What about the view right now?”

The mind stopped spinning long enough to take in the stunningly gorgeous countryside and begrudgingly began its list. “Luis pointed out monkeys and birds in the trees that I wouldn’t have seen. I mean, he should have had his eyes on the road, but…” 

“You can only share the positives in this game, mind. But great start!”

“He stopped at a fruit stand to get mangos, without me even having verbalized my craving. And I liked drinking coconut juice right out of the shell. That was super refreshing!”

“Awesome! What else?”

“He probably left the car running to keep the AC on.  It is, after all, in the upper 90s. And when he vanished at the rest stop, he was getting me snacks, including my first taste of deliciosa Costa Rican chocolate. Now he’s playing really good music and dancing while driving. He’s highly entertaining!”

As my mind focused on the “good,” Luis began to drive like a pro. We hit the bumpy part of the ride that anyone who has been to Nosara can likely feel in their memories while reading this. Other cars and shuttles looked like they were about to fall off the side of the road, but we traversed the bumps and craters with ease. Even the mind felt safe.

I arrived at The Bodhi Tree in one piece, and instead of complaining about the ride, took Luis’s info for a future one. Having won the game, the mind was all for that. But it wasted no time launching back into fear and finding something else to protest as getting to my cabin required 75 stairs.  

“I need a different room!” the mind insisted. This was pretty convincing. I’d already come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to make it up and down 108 steps to the shala several times a day for my actual retreat classes, but getting back and forth to my room wasn’t optional. 

In the past, I would have hobbled straight back down to the lobby to ask for the change. But the true self I was learning to think from more frequently replied. “This is the cabin we were assigned. Let’s at least give it one night.”

Needless to say, the mind was not thrilled. So, I gave it another game.

It liked a lot about the cabin, which was off to the side and very quiet. It had a private backyard, with a hammock. The sun was setting in the distance, which was reflecting beautifully through the trees.

“Are you willing to hold off on requesting a change until tomorrow?” I asked while witnessing the mind’s attitude metamorphosizing to a more positive one.

“Si, amiga. We’ll take those stairs one step at a time.”

Stay tuned for posts about the miraculous retreat and the adventures that followed!

Next post: Dr. Sue Morter’s Retreat (Part One) ~ LOVE WITHOUT TRAFFIC

Previous post: Costa Rican Redirect ~ LOVE WITHOUT TRAFFIC

Share Wisdom Wisely

(I wrote this one weeks ago but forgot to post!)

I feel compelled to take this “now moment” to encourage those who have had the luxury of embracing a personal development, energy healing and/or spiritual path to not only step up and bring these teachings forward, but also do so in ways that are accessible to the masses. 

While some of us have devoted decades to learning techniques that qualify us to greatly serve humanity at this time, we are actually in the minority of those who created the time to do so. If you have told someone who hasn’t slowed down in several decades to just “go within and be still,” lately, or suggested things like EFT and EMDR like they’re household acronyms, without explaining what they are or how they can help, this one’s for you. And me!! 

Please bear in mind that while we were waking up naturally, with the clocks of our bodies or soft chimes, and easing into our days, many of our peers were being jarred into waking life with jolts like “old phone” alarms. No one taught them the impact loud phone, text and other alerts going off throughout the day have on their nervous systems. It just became a way of life. 

They weren’t developing morning practices of meditation, prayer and gratitude; they were launching into their days, scurrying to jobs they may not have even realized they disliked. They sat in rush hour traffic or jammed into overcrowded buses and subways, experiencing more stress by 9am than some of us saw in an average week. Over time, their nervous systems became hardwired to busyness, adrenaline and anxiety.  

While we expressed in creative ways that we enjoyed, many of our peers stayed at jobs they believed they had to, in order to “get by.” They didn’t realize they deserved so much more than that. Many are realizing that now.

While we enjoyed fresh air outdoors, they took in stale oxygen from air conditioners and heating systems. While we practiced yoga, tai chi, qigong and pranayama, they sat at desks in unnatural and uncomfortable positions that promoted poor posture and shallow breathing.

As we bolstered our immune systems with organic fruits and veggies, superfoods, fresh and cold-pressed juices, raw food, alkaline-based diets, and ample hydration, they drank soda, diet and sugar-laced energy drinks, and scarfed down fast food, microwaved frozen food and heavily processed foods, with at least 42 ingredients the human body is not designed to ingest, with none of the nutritional value it needs to stay healthy.

A few friends have shared how much more water they are drinking now that they are working from home. File using a restroom whenever my body wants to on my ever-growing list of things it never before occurred to me to be grateful for!

While we watched the miracles of nature unfold before our eyes, they stared at screens. While we recharged with breathwork and went outside in the evenings to watch the sun set and the moon rise, they caffeinated at hours that kept them up all night, just to get home. There, they tried to unwind as quickly and with as little effort as possible after stressful and exhausting days so no, they didn’t check out that drumming, kirtan or reiki circle. 

While our weekends centered around nature, self-care, socializing and working out, although we didn’t really consider it that because we were hiking, surfing and doing other activities we love, they tried to squeeze in forced workouts. And maybe some social and outdoor time, if there was any time left after taking care of all the chores they didn’t have time to do during the week. 

While we looked forward to beaches and stores being less crowded on Mondays, they dreaded the start of new work weeks. While we invested our time in our passions and creativity, they spent theirs forgetting how to dream. While we counted stars in the sky, they hoped there wouldn’t be too many sheep. As it was, they may have stayed up way too late watching TV. 

While we learned about vision boards and manifesting, they were stuck in board rooms, producing, often at the expense of their own ability to even know what they wanted. They got plenty of practice learning what they didn’t want, but without the understanding that it was contrast, there to help them get clear and move toward what they did actually want. 

They weren’t chanting positive affirmations, watching “The Secret,” or getting into their vortexes with Abraham. Instead, they were unknowingly ordering more of what they didn’t want with complaints, also known as venting, or talking about the same things over and over in therapy. Wasn’t that supposed to help? After all, the person who listened for five minutes before writing a script for an anxiety medication was a doctor, which they learned to listen to more than their own bodies and emotions. 

They didn’t tune in for the latest 21-day meditation series with Oprah and Chopra, or watch inspiring Wayne Dyer specials on PBS; they watched the news, movies and programs designed to blast their nervous systems repeatedly with more cortisol. 

As we learned to raise our vibrations, they engaged in habits that depleted their life forces. While we took classes in active listening, conscious communication and uncoupling, they were caught in draining power struggles, where no one was listening to anyone else, not due to lack of love, but lack of education or energy. (Okay, some of us did that more recently then we’d like to admit, also, but at least we had a chance to know better!)

While we took workshops that electrified our souls, they took boring classes to renew licenses or help them get “better” jobs, which triggered the exact same frustrations as the last ones and left them feeling unfulfilled. Only our classes explained why the same unwanted things showed up in our lives, and what our roles were in that. 

We spent vacation time (also simply known as “time” for some of us) connecting more fully with who we really are; they tried to distract themselves from who they thought themselves to be. 

As we participated with silent retreats, striving to become more conscious and connect more fully with spirit, they connected more fully with the convincing dictates of the untrained mind, and false sources of power like competition and aggression. 

We cleared clutter, learned how to release attachments and practiced feng shui. They collected things they didn’t need and lists of projects they didn’t have time to attend to. 

We learned to go with the flow and trust that life is always unfolding for good, despite the appearance of circumstances that vividly state otherwise, and that the only person we can change is ourselves, with love, forgiveness and compassion. They tried to change other people and battled with “reality,” with no understanding that it’s a past-tense illusory construct based on past thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and therefore can be changed.

I could go on and on but I’m sure you’ve caught my drift. Too many of my teachers are speaking to their current audiences, not realizing that the masses need these messages right now, and that they need to hear them in ways that actually make sense.

(An aside – if you are recycling old material about stressful times, please at least state that it was recorded in the past. It’s blatantly obvious if you are not referring to what’s happening in our world right now. Better yet, create some new material that speaks to this time!) 

I consider myself to be very blessed that I’ve been on this journey for so many decades. Not all my lessons have come easily; by contrast, some of them were so profoundly painful, they almost killed me. But because I have been through those times, and have already been called upon by life to release almost everything I used to identify with, I can be present with these times. I can “hold the space” for those of you who are reeling right now.

If you’re new to this lingo, it means I can stand with you, knowing the truth about you, and the good that will come from this time, in time. I can believe in you until you believe in you. I can offer you hope. 

Even the circumstances that feel the most painful in our lives can lead to profound good that couldn’t have come any other way. That does not make it any easier to go through them. But love does. So I am sending a ton of that your way.

I’m here for you.

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