“How others treat me is their path; how I react is mine.” ~Wayne Dyer
Thanks for your patience, dearest readers. I just needed to pace myself a bit. As a law of attraction subscriber, I’ve been conscious of how much attention I’ve been putting on an experience I don’t want to draw again.
Plus the further along I get in my healing, the harder it becomes to write about what I’m healing from. Looking back with the awareness I have today is actually tougher in some ways than living through it was. Writing about it requires the right frame of mind and also the time to release the energy after posting.
I’ve been a bit less willing to create that space lately. I chalk it up to over-summering. This past week, I enjoyed family and friends and activities at a dizzying pace, I was making up for time lost isolating eariler in the summer.
I have to admit there is another reason I haven’t posted in over a week. Don’t get scared – I didn’t get back together with my ex! But I have been…gulp…getting to know someone new.
About two weeks after I started to feel like myself on a much more consistent basis, I told my niece it was going to be some time before I dated again. It sounded like such a terrifying prospect and I didn’t want to subject someone else to a rebound situation. Two days after declaring that, I met someone who seems incredibly cool. And nice. And worth getting to know.
This is very unlike me. I’m not a serial dater. By contrast, I often take many months and even years between relationships. So I’m not sure what’s up with this openness after the most heartbreaking and challenging relationship of my life. At least I know to take things very slowly.
Really Nancy? Do you honestly consider seeing someone three of the four days since you met going even marginally slowly?
Hey, at least I’m not living with him! Haha. And tonight was brief. He just stopped by to bring a book he bought for me. In all the years I’ve been dating, and all the gifts I’ve received, no man has ever thought to get the writer an actual book. I can’t help being impressed by that. Or by the fact that he accepted he had to meet me by the building pool because I won’t have him upstairs.
We haven’t done more than kiss. And he knows that isn’t going to change any time tremendously soon. I have a better chance of viewing him objectively if I’m not doing so through a hormonal haze.
He knows I’m just coming out of an experience of an emotionally abusive relationship. He knows I’m blogging about it. Inexplicably, that hasn’t scared him off. I know he is curious about it but I told him I’m not comfortable with him reading it, at least right now. He respected that. He’s respected and accepted a lot of things I would have questioned as I’ve conducted my own red flag finding mission.
For once in my life, I think am the red flag!
I am nevertheless being hyper-vigilant in my search for warning sings. An advocate for The Hotline told me to expect this. She said I would attempt to overcompensate for failing to see, and eventually ignoring, the signs that my last relationship was heading for disaster.
At least this time, I’m only doing the latter. I’m almost kidding. There are some things I’m slightly apprehensive about, but certainly not enough to deter me from getting to know him better.
It helps that he has been so open. It’s much better to go into something thinking, “I don’t know how that particular thing he just told me is going to play out down the road” than to wake up months into something and ask “Who the hell is this that I’m dating?”
This guy’s willingness to show up as himself is so refreshing that it is helping me do the same. I realized last night that I didn’t exactly do that with my ex! (I sure noticed that he didn’t with me, but honestly thought I had shown up authentically right off the bat with him.) It wasn’t a conscious misrepresentation, but I did opt to create a few patterns I suspected I wouldn’t be able – or even willing – to maintain.
I wrote about that last night along with the ways I’m showing up differently this time. I will share it as soon as I can figure out how to do so without specifically writing about my current situation. It’s going to be challenging not to.
But I know if I write about him, he’s going to give me a lot to write about. I don’t want my next dating experience to read like a novel. Plus I gave my word. Sort of. He didn’t ask me to. I may need to have him sign a release in case I change my mind someday.
More on this soon, along with the continuation of the story I know you’re all waiting for. The story that has already led to so much healing and growth for me and has made me so oddly fearless.
Consider this a commercial break.
The story continues: http://www.lovewithouttraffic.com/?p=606
To start at the beginning of my journey, “Traffic Jam #1 – Denial,” click: http://www.lovewithouttraffic.com/?p=189
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