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I recently created a group to support women who are struggling to break free from narcissists, or are dating again after narcissistic abuse, and want to stop giving away their power in relationships.
Soon thereafter, an old Facebook post mysteriously reappeared, as if to confirm my “YES!” I have no explanation for how this post began circulating again! The timing was amazing beyond belief.
It was from four Octobers ago, when I was contending with extreme anxiety, emotional overwhelm, confusion and trauma due my experience of an emotionally abusive marriage. I had just begun learning about narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse, and was caught in the “is he or isn’t he” loop that many of us get stuck in.
Obsessing about what my husband was or wasn’t kept me from focusing on my own issues, such as my patterns of codependency and willingness to tolerate abuse. I’d hit a point where my nervous system couldn’t handle any more drama and trauma, so I had been attempting – and failing – to go “no contact.” Life intervened in a series of unexpected ways.
First, I was hired to help a 19-year old women in New York City break free from an addiction. In all the years I’d been supporting clients with this, it had always been drug or alcohol-related. This was the first time I’d been hired to help someone release a relationship. It was another example of the divine pulse and timing that has marked this entire journey.
One week prior, I wouldn’t have understood what a high-spectrum narcissist even was, let alone known how to help this woman safely leave one. But I had no idea how to help her process her trauma, heal or find her power; I hadn’t yet begun to myself.
I told her about Kundalini yoga, which had been helping me reduce anxiety and rebuild my nervous system. Then I prayed for an opportunity to go to Los Angeles to practice with my teacher, RA MA Institute founder Guru Jagat, and listen to Michael Bernard Beckwith speak at Agape. I knew my incredibly wise teachers could help me, and help me help my client.
The very next day, I learned Guru Jagat was heading to New York City for the weekend, to teach a popup class right near my hotel! I reached out to let her know what I was growing through, and see if she could create time to talk before or after one of her classes.
She gifted me with something even more helpful: a scholarship to her Invincible Living workshop at Omega Institute! I was blown away by her generous offer. I’d been wanting to check out this retreat center in Rhinebeck, New York, for years.
I missed the entire first day, which I told myself was due to my professional obligation. In truth, it was due to my inability to break free from an email-based power struggle with my ex.
I couldn’t understand why I just couldn’t stop engaging, and go take care of myself. I remember shutting my laptop down and then, with a heart racing from what was likely an almost lethal mix of caffeine and anxiety, logging back on for another round. Like the ones proceeding it, that exchange went on for hours. But by some miracle, I was finally able to stop reacting to the crazymaking and head upstate.
I’ll never forget that beautiful autumnal ride! I drove with the top down, stopped for a hike and enjoyed the most profound sense of freedom I’d experienced since getting married.
I felt the healing energy of Omega before I even entered the parking lot of the beautiful center. The foliage was so magnificent, it would have taken my breath away if I hadn’t been holding it for months. Between Omega, Guru Jagat’s workshop and wisdom, her staff and all the other amazing people I connected with that week, I remembered how to exhale. And breathe again. Deeply.
I began to catch glimpses of my confidence, balance and hope returning more with each day at magical Omega. But just as I started to feel some semblance of peace, and glimpses of my confidence returning, something happened that put it all back in jeopardy.
And then something happened after that, that brought the Shero’s journey I had unknowingly embarked upon to some seriously miraculous places, and experiences I couldn’t even have imagined at the time. It also led to some equally unfathomable lows, because I had a lot more to survive and learn before I could thrive and teach.
I’ll continue the story soon. In the meantime, I’ve made the earliest posts about my journey through abuse available again, and will add more of them soon. Click the link below to read where the experience that inspired my mission began. That post was written five summers ago, about 15 months before Guru Jagat led me to Omega for the start of my healing adventure.
You can learn about my free 3-day training, Stop Dating Narcissists: 5 Ways To Identify Narcissists and Reclaim Your Power, on the SDN page: http://stopdatingnarcissists.com.