Happy August! Love Without Traffic is in its very own traffic jam due to site construction. Please visit again very soon for new posts and more info on how you can clear your own inner traffic. In the interim, you can contact me at the bottom of this page. See you soon!
Imagine you’re cruising down the highway on a beautiful day. Your favorite song is blaring and you’re singing along. You’re in a great mood…until you hit an unexpected patch of traffic.
Just like that, your happy vibes vanish. You tense up. You have somewhere to be! The longer you sit in that traffic, the more stressed you become. The entire complexion of your mood spirals downward because of something entirely outside your control.
This is how many of us respond to the emotional blocks of our lives as well.
Sometimes our inner traffic is optional. We can get off the exit ramp of abusive and otherwise unhealthy relationships, dead-end jobs and other situations that don’t serve us. Why are we taking the same route day after day when we know two lanes are closed?
Sometimes it’s a slow crawl to the exit ramp, or we simply don’t have a choice in that moment. In those instances, what can we do while we’re in traffic so we’re not wasting our energy fighting something we can’t control? Like another person. We can’t control what other people say and do, only how we respond.
When people act in ways we don’t like, we interpret their words and actions through the lens of our beliefs and past experiences and get hooked into stories. Often we get so caught up in the story, we don’t even realize what’s actually happening.
Instead of acknowledging our emotions and letting them flow through us, being gentle and loving with ourselves, letting others be who and where they are, clearing the triggered traumas of our past and making empowered choices, we create internal jams. Ones that take hours, days, years and sometimes decades to clear.
If it’s a situation that has us triggered, we try to change it. We pretend our small minds know better than life does, and waste our energy trying to swim against the current.
If it’s another person who has pressed our buttons, we judge them, blame them, try to make them take accountability, change them and/or react in ways that will hopefully scare them from ever acting this way again. We hold them responsible for our feelings. We give away all our power.
It’s as exhausting as using all our might to push up against immobile cars on the highway. It’s as maniacal as approaching the construction area and throwing the lane-blockage cones at the workers.
They’re just doing their jobs. Just like the “villains” of your life. Only in that case, the construction is being done on you. They are here to wake you up. They are here to force you to look at your past pain and heal it, and learn to love and respect yourself once and for all.
If you want to be surrounded by people who treat you with more kindness and respect, guess who has to do that first? If you’re choosing to stay with an abusive partner, you’re abusing yourself. If you feel underappreciated at work or stay at a job you hate, it’s time to start appreciating and honoring yourself.
What is showing up in our lives is showing up for a reason. Much of the time, we are unconscious co-creators of the script. Ever notice how you keep bumping into the same emotional congestion over and over?
When we fight against the “what is,” all we ever essentially do is order more of it in the future.
Traffic happens. When we are aware enough to see our emotional congestion building, we have a choice. It’s the same one afforded to us when we learn about lane closures in time to get off the highway. We can go another way.
We can feel our feelings. We can choose our thoughts and responses. We can open up to new perspectives. We can start to understand what is really going on in the here and now, and stop confusing the present day triggers with the ancient issues from our past that we haven’t yet healed. We can heal.
If we don’t have awareness or practice doing this, our autopilot reaction is generally going to choose traffic. Our egos like traffic. They like to sit in it for long periods of time, stewing and brooding and encouraging us to feel like victims. They like to feel separate from others. They like to be right. They like the safety of not moving forward.
Our egos have the awareness levels of small children immersed in tantrums. And yet, we often unconsciously put them behind the wheels of our lives.
It’s time to reclaim our power and clear our emotional traffic jams. It’s time to truly love ourselves unconditionally, despite all we have allowed the world to convince us is wrong with us. It’s time to learn to love others fearlessly and unequivocally, and allow every person we encounter to show up exactly as they are. It’s not up to us to change them; it’s up to us to change us.
We all deserve to love and be loved. And there’s only one way to truly and consistently experience this.
Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org to learn more about how I can support you to clear your mental and emotional traffic or read more about my coaching here: